Reports John in Highland: “My wife and I recently were fortunate to be invited to the wedding of one of our son’s good friends. “Another friend was the best man, and, as such, he stood up at the reception to offer words of wisdom to the newlyweds. He talked for quite a while, but it was the beginning and the end that were remarkable. “He started by saying: ‘Marriage is not just a word; it’s a sentence — a life sentence!’ Much nervous laughter ensued. He continued to talk, slowly building up to the conclusion by counseling the couple with his own experience. “Finally he said: ‘Remember this advice. When you have a disagreement and you are wrong, admit it. And if you are right … just shut up!’ ” Only a _______ would notice! The Farm Boy of St. Paul: “Saturday’s Pioneer Press contained an Associated Press story, penned by Martha Waggoner, about Dave Schneider of Richfield, who has purchased an offshore light tower 13 miles off the coast of North Carolina. Apparently, Schneider bought the property from the federal government sight-unseen; the story said he plans to get his first look at it next week. “The tower will need some expensive fix-up work, but Schneider seems to think it will be worth it, in order to have such a unique property. Waggoner writes: ‘He said he’s no different than the person who wants to restore a 1966 Camaro and sees one that’s rusted and dilapidated but still beautiful.’ “Maybe, but I sure hope that hypothetical person who wants to restore that hypothetical 1966 Camaro gets a good look at it before he puts his real money down. Chevrolet introduced the Camaro for the 1967 model year. “I hope, for Schneider’s sake, his tower really exists. At least he didn’t buy property 13 miles off the coast of Arizona!” Our times The Doryman of Prescott, Wis.: “Subject: There’s no tomorrow. “The phenomenon of moving Black Friday to Thanksgiving Day is nothing new. Retail sales have always robbed Peter to pay Paul. “Back in the ’60s, I worked for an oil company that would delay the month-end cut-off to the 1st, 2nd or 3rd of the following month, to make gasoline sales look better on the monthly reports. They would send us around on a Sunday night to cut off stations, in an effort to meet district goals. “Then later, when working for car dealers, I found that the ‘month end’ could often be several days into the next month, to please the automakers and capitalize on the dealer ‘incentives’ and ‘programs.’ “The best time to buy a car is still the last day of the month (especially if it’s a Saturday!). “The fact that all of this padding just steals from the near future is ignored. Retail, basically, just lives for today.” Could be verse! Tim Torkildson: “The figures started coming in; they looked to be delightful. “Black Friday sales gone through the roof; no reason to be spiteful! “Old Navy, Macy’s, Walmart, too — the registers were heated “With the frenzied shoppers who were nearly all stampeded. “Me, I stayed home, read a book, and did not heed the news. “For during Xmas, once again, I’m giving IOU’s.” Everyone’s a copy editor! Friendly Bob of Fridley: “Monday’s (November 26) sports section from that other Twin Cities newspaper carried a front-page photo from the Vikings-Bears game with this caption: ‘Bears defensive end Corey Wootton pressured Christian Ponder into throwing an incomplete pass in the fourth quarter. Potter completed 22 of 43 passes for just 159 yards, a touchdown and an interception.’ “Potter? Did he change his name mid-game?” BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: Maybe. Bad decision-making, if he did. Shoulda changed it to Bailey! Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon? Michele of St. Paul: “Subject: T. Rex Baader-Meinhof. “In today’s [11/23/2012] New York Times, an article on Kesha referenced the glam rocker Marc Bolan, of T. Rex, as one of her influences. They share an affinity for glitter. I had not heard of him before, and, of course, I had to Google him. He wrote the iconic rock anthem ‘Get It On,’ the title of which was later changed to ‘Bang a Gong (Get It On),’ according to Wikipedia. Mr. Bolan died as a passenger in a car accident when he was 29. Ironically, he did not learn to drive because ‘he feared a premature death.’ “Tonight, I was watching ‘Priceless Antiques Roadshow.’ A brief clip featured one of the appraisers saying that he just had to strum the guitar he was holding because it was owned by Marc Bolan. “Baader-Meinhof?” BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: Get it on! Baader-Meinhof all the way. Just a coincidence? Al B of Hartland: “I saw a Common Pauraque in the Rio Grande Valley. This beautiful bird rests on leaf litter and becomes virtually invisible to the human eye. “A friend told me that he was having no luck finding the bird in an area where it had been seen earlier. Fearing that his 13-year-old son might succumb to boredom, he offered his offspring a small financial reward if he could locate the bird. The offer had barely crossed his lips when his son pointed at the ground and said: ‘There it is.’ “And it was.” Ah, the smell of it! Including: The vision thing IGHGrampa: “Subject: Strange scent. “We were in that restaurant that has a gift shop out front. While we waited for a table, we browsed around. I found the shelf with the scented candles. I never buy any, but still like to open the caps and smell the various scents: apple orchard, lime pie, beach sand, cedar wood, etc. “On the adjacent shelf, I spotted a strange scent. It said ‘Wood tick.’ Wood tick? What would they smell like? And why would anyone want to smell them? “On closer inspection, it said ‘Wood Wick.’ That was the brand name of the candles. “Never mind.” Out of the mouths of babes Wicki-Yah: “Our daughter and the Rev moved to a small town of about 800 people in western Minnesota nearly 1-1/2 years ago. He pastors the largest church in town; she is a school and community activist. “We went to the big town of Marshall for dinner with them and the grandkids last night. Granddaughter Emma, who is 3, looked around the restaurant while we waited, and waited, for our meals to come out. (Notice how much slower service is in small towns?) She furrowed her brow, obviously in thought, and then she said very seriously, while shaking her head in disbelief: ‘There are people here that don’t know me.’ Guess she doesn’t experience that in their little-town cafe.” Is marriage a word?Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Can a marriage of convenience be deported?Marriages of convenience carry the risk of prosecution and even deportation. They got divorced after only six months of marriage. Their marriage fell apart when she found out about her husband's affair. What is a common law marriage?Common-law marriage (= a marriage that is not official but is accepted because the people have lived together for a very long time) is only recognized in a few states. Marriages of convenience carry the risk of prosecution and even deportation. They got divorced after only six months of marriage. |
